Friday, July 31, 2009

I Have Determined that my Body Only Metabolizes Alcohol

I spend the vast majority of my day within, like 3 minutes of a nap.

No matter how much work I have to do.

I have tried caffeine: coffee (a lot), tea, black tea, green tea, yerba mate, even Arnold Palmers (virgin: also a lot). But somehow I never feel at my peak.

Give me 2-3 drinks, however, and I am ready to go. This is why I think I only derive energy from alcohol. Ethanol constitutes roughly 8-10% of my carbohydrate input, but it is responsible for 80% of my energy (that is, I can only assume, my cellular metabolic energy).

The only logical conclusion is that my body metabolizes alcohol for energy, rather than carbs or fat, like normal people. So I suppose I am destined to drink.

If this is my burden, I shall bear it with nobility.

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