Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Here, Let Me Pour Bleach All Over That for You: An editorial by the food industry.

Hey, you gonna eat that? You sure you don't want me to bleach it first?

What? you want the vitamins and stuff? OK, well that's cool, I guess. We can just bleach it then add them back in.

Really, it's no problem. In fact I'll even make it cheaper than the stuff we haven't bleached and reconstituted yet.

So you just don't want the bleach then huh. Well that is what you are going to get. I spent a lot of money on bleach and bleaching equipment, mister, and you are just going to have to deal with it!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi. I would like a steak, plenty of hormones, extra BSE. I'll get that with some genetically altered rice, bleached please, no husk, extra gluten. And I'll have a side of irradiated vegetables. Have those been doused in pesticides? And some children are deathly ill of them? Excellent. Also, I was wondering if you could stab me in heart and then the brain in about thirty to thirty five years. Oh and do you have bottled water in BPA plastic? Thanks.

Theo Von Hohenheim said...

Sorry, fresh out of BPA. But we do have lead and perchlorate.

Will that do for you this evening?

Anonymous said...

Oh splendid, just splendid. We'll also have some benzene laced oil for the rolls.

Theo Von Hohenheim said...

BENZENE IS GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I know! Nuns use it to keep down the urges and make you pay attention better! Cornstarch and labotomies are also popular. And if my beer arrives without the proper amount of formaldehyde in it, it goes back into the jar mister!