A Strange Inversion

Usually, when one is experiencing brain failure, due to either ingestion of intoxicants, exhaustion, poisons, etc., failure occurs in the primate brain first (slurring of words, impairing of judgment), then by failure of the mammalian brain (loss of equilibrium, loss of pants), then by failure of the reptilian brain (death).

However, over the last 48 hours, I have ingested no less than three redbulls, 4-5 diet cokes, and an equal number of upper-oriented / recuperative vitamin waters. In the past two hours, in contrast, I have had two fine tallboys of imported czech beer, and a bit of whiskey.

So a strange phenomenon has occured. I am certain my reptilian brain is still working, as I still draw breath with regularity, and my heart has not stopped. Additionally, I still possess most higher faculties, though I wouldn't say my judgment is great, nor would I say that I could really follow or make a persuasive argument without being reduced to tears.

However, my equilibrium, ability to gauge distances, touch my fingers point to point, or avoid stationary, pointy objects have all been seriously uhhh... what's the word. You know. The one about 'getting worse.' How about "negatively impacted"? Sure. Why not. That works.

I have only one theory to explain this previously unobserved situation. The caffeine etc. is currently at war for my primate brain with the relatively moderate amount of alcohol I have ingested, and the caffeine is winning soundly. However, the mammalian brain, being less susceptible to caffeine, is shit out of luck, and god help me on the trip from this chair to my bed, because I can promise no one I won't destroy half my bedroom in the journey.

In any event, that was the end of a hellish crucible, and thank god for that.

Now, if you will excuse me, there are several pieces of furniture that, apparently, I need to destroy.