You'd Open It Too / How I Spread Conjunctivitis

1. Buy a ziploc bag

2. Label ziploc bag 'Fart'

3. Fart into ziplog bag

4. Seal. Tightly.

5. Write note: "In this ziploc bag is a fart. You are now warned. However, despite the fact you know it is a fart, you will still open it, and smell it, and I will have accomplished the amazing feat of farting in your face from a distance of several hundred miles, in defiance of your own agency. Cf. Angry Flower, Bob The, 'The Time Looker-Forward Tube'."

6. Pack ziploc and note, in styrofoam peanuts, in a cardboard box.

7. Mail to Theo.

8. Enjoy.

Unfortunately, the only problem was that it was a cohabitant of Theo's house, and not Theo himself, who received my package of delight (for me) and doom (for the recipient).

Hopefully, the infection will spread.