"Honest Drinking"

I have coined a new phrase: Honest Drinking. It is the sort of drinking that Theo and I engage in on the unfortunate-for-the-rest-of-the-universe events when we get together. An explanation is forthcoming.

Honest drinking is goal oriented and unapologetic. It is when the raison d'etre is, itself, drinking. Not binge drinking, you see. That is pretty crass. Motivated by the need to be a fool. Social lubrication of sorts. Neither Theo or myself has ever needed social lubricant: we were born fascinating, and are drop dead gorgeous. The goal of Honest Drinking is to see just how far you can push the line. It usually goes a little something like this:

Theo and I are watching television, working on our first 30 rack of the night, and a particular commercial comes on: the one where a pill is advertised that prevents hangovers for "up to and including six drinks." This usually throws us both into a deep blood-fury, in protest of the concept that there is such a thing as 'six drinks' and a 'hangover' maintainable in the human mind at the same time. There isn't. If you get a hangover from six drinks, my god man, you are an evolutionary oddity, and I would think you kindly to remove yourself from the gene pool post haste.

At that point, Theo, or myself, poses the question "SO. How many you think tonight?" And then begins the Honest Drinking.

"Oh what are you guys doing tonight? Oh we are drinking."
".... Honest drinking?"
"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! Oh... wait... yes. Yes honest drinking."
"Can I come?"
"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! Wait.. yeah... sure. BUT BRING YOUR OWN BEER!"

In any event, the night usually ends with this line, or one very similar in spirit and quantification:

"YOU REMEMBER YOU ASKED HOW MANY?"
"WHAT? NO. FUCK YOU. WHAT? YES. YES I DO REMEMBER."
"TWENTY THREE. THE ANSWER IS TWENTY THREE."
*EYES ROLL BACK IN HEAD, PASS OUT*