Okay baby. Let's break this one down. Clearly, I am a superior male specimen. I'm the world's most muscular knot-theorist, and my one night drinking record was a full three flagons or highly basic grog. That is a superhuman feat. I've been known to put out fires using only my own urine, and things I have said in my sleep have won the pulitzer.
And you are hot. Seriously. That ass? 'A' number one.
So, basically, your continuously not having sex with me just makes no sense. What are you basing this on? Are you afraid? You should be. Because it will expand your mind in ways that are exhilarating and terrifying. You'll never look at a jar of mayonnaise the same way again. But it will blow your mind.
Seriously. Last night, when I dropped you off outside your building in the cab, and you asked what you owed me, and I just gave you the dreamy-eyes and said, "baby, all you owe me is a kiss," and then we made out and you got out of the cab, that was so baller. How can you say no to this? Please disregard the fact that moments after the cab pulled away I cursed the gods at how poor I was and realized I should have taken your money instead of dropping the smooth line. Doubly true due to your renewed decision not to have sex with me.
Well, I see you are going to stick to your guns on this one.
Cheers. Let us toast to all the sex we are not having.
--The Man
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